Ms'Guided Angel

Caroline Carey

Available on Amazon soon

Most of my life has been an initiation and awakened path. It has not been an easy ride. Infact I doubt anyone who has had an awakening has had it easy! Usually these ‘dark nights of the soul’ are tough and hard to endure. But at the same time they strengthen our psychi’s and guide us into a more fulfilling and inspiring life.

I woke up one morning thinking ‘I have to write all this down’. So I did. I began that rainy morning seven years ago to recall all the dramas and challenges that I had experienced. I could see the amazing benefits that they had brought to me and all the teachings I had gained. Nothing like life itself to be the greatest teacher and choreographer of our existence. I had many diarys from workshops and daily journaling, so finding my way through some of the many heart aches and splurging out of emotions I waded my way through my path. Poetry and shamanic journeys, memories into the past and thank fully some joyful and ecstatic moments and dances.

Eventually I realized I had created a book that could actually benefit other peoples lives and it was not long before I was there chatting to an editor about the possibilities of my book sitting on a shelf in a shop some where. Being read over by complete strangers.

This editor was also an astrologer. After reading my book she did my birth chart for me. She told me that what I had written really fitted into the astrological chart that she produced, but that I had to wait. My chart showed that I was to live the third part of my book. I had to put it aside and wait at least until my 50th year. This year!

I would then have lived the third part and be able to write it down also. Thus finding a

completion to this part of the story and this chapter of my life. She was so right. The next four years proved to be quite an exceptional time for me and yes very awakening. I went through so many challenges of deep loss, grief and letting go of nearly everything I had in my life.

I then experienced the most incredible love story. An unexpected meeting and two weeks in paradise with the man of my dreams. My soul mate. The journey to this moment had been so worth it.

I had been without physical love for quite awhile. I had missed the deep connection with another. No matter how good I could be to myself, there was still a lack of touch and affection. The need to be held was strong in me. I remember one cold January evening, feeling a little sad and lonely I took to my bed for an early night, just to be with myself. I sank deeply into the feelings that were there. A strange feeling of loss and emptiness, disconnection and maybe a little fear. ‘What if I was never held again?’

I started to recognize what a small baby must feel if it went without being held. How strange that would be for it. How alone in the world it would feel. And sinking into this feeling took me many years back into my existence, longing for that comfort of strong arms, of being held by one who really cared for me. I was far more ready to hold another and to automatically become mother, rather than to allow and trust that another could hold me. I chose ‘boys’ to be my partners, immature men with little knowledge of what a woman needs or desires. This was familiar but very unfulfilling. They usually carried some kind of abuse themselves and if we had the maturity to work and grow together, we would have survived the relationships. This pattern showed me the way we are often attracted to like, because we then become mirrors to each other. But these relationships were not to be, I was yet to meet a man in his own power who could meet me, and really see me, beyond the abuse and beyond his own projections of me. The more I healed myself, the more I needed to meet a man who had also addressed his own need to heal.

How would a man in his power, a man with the desire to hold a woman be with me? I was curious. I began a few exercises, writing in great detail what I wanted and needed from a man. The kind of relationship I knew I required. How would he behave towards me, what would his characteristics be? How old, how wise? I needed to know the things I would not accept in my man, immaturity, no ambition or goals in life, a man who could not communicate from his heart.

I knew I needed to be with a man who had a career and motivation to making a difference amongst his own community and the world. This was extremely important to me. Of course I would want the simpler things as well, he would be tall and handsome, with a somewhat rugged appearance, slender in build but with strong arms and the ability to hold me; his fiery, passionate, dancing woman. He would encourage me in my work and honour the path that I was treading, just as I would encourage him to follow his. He would speak from his heart, embracing his own emotions and feelings. I would know for sure that he wanted me and loved me.

I created on my altar an area for my new love. Two candles together, two hearts, pictures of roses and written poetry that spoke of intimacy and of being together.

I visualized walking along beaches, dancing together, holding hands and creating a home. I made it very clear to the universe that it was my intention to now have a relationship and I asked and prayed that this would be so. A grown up relationship that meant absolute maturity, healing and very importantly, open communication. I wrote and prayed giving thanks for it already being so and in my life already. It was a matter of months before I would see his face, before he would be sitting next to me, before we walked together through paradise. A matter of months before I knew I had found my man, my soul mate without any doubts in my mind. I was totally ready to move into the next phase of relationship. Doing my little rituals and praying helped me to relax in the knowing that he was close by. I could almost sense his presence.

From Ms’Guided Angel, © by Caroline Carey, published by My Voice Publishing

But as my story explains, I had to go through the dramas and heart aches in order to heal a past that was riddled with abuse and trauma in order to find the healing needed for my childhood. My new romance proved to me that I had done the work needed in order to move on.

Dance is an ancient practice for lifting the soul and enabling us to empty the emotional debris that we hold onto. Dance can help us to let go and move on. Its not about being a good performer and getting steps right. You can jiggle around on all fours if that is whats needed. If you have two left feet, fine. The important thing is that you are moving your body and when that voice comes up that says ‘what on earth do you look like’ you use what ever language it takes to remove that voice and simply get on with what you need to do. There is no judgement in this space. There is no one passing criticism. Infact everyone is there to look after themselves and do the work they need to do on a personal level. There is a time and place for us all to do a healthy amount of ‘naval-gazing’ and getting to the root of some of our problems. There is no spiritual practice with out this level of awareness of the self. And dance gives us a great platform in which to do this.

The ecstatic shamanic path is an ordinary path. Nothing fantastical, it is rooted and grounded in a physical practice that awakens the free-dancer inside us, enabling us to live life to its fullest and let go of the past history that keeps us in place, where we live under the influence of others, preventing the free spirit to expand into all it can be. Shamanism is about healing our own cultures woundings. I learnt this very early on. I do not need to purchase objects from the native americans, that is their medicine. I am developing my own and at the age of about ten it became a record player in the corner of my bedroom. It has been the books I have written in and the songs I have sung. The meetings I have had with others and the passionate dances I have embraced. I have learnt about my healing abilities and about the channeling that comes through me. This is what helped me to write my book and what I encourage others to do. I am now opening up workshops and retreats to enable others to find what they need to help them put their words onto paper, finding their own voice and sharing it with the world.

Now as a Movement Medicine teacher working closely with the School of Movement Medicine I share my teachings and all that I have explored and found out on this spiritual path. I teach what has worked for myself and what I love. So making a career from my healing path has been a great success for me.

It is a necessary time for healing. For men and women to come together to celebrate what is good in the world today. To find decent communication between us. It is a time for re-balancing male and female energies in order that we can support our planet and the nature that is around us. There has been an imbalance for a long time and it is being forced on us to be rectified and put into order. Finding a balance in ourselves is the first step, then within our relationships and then with our communities.

There is a need to move ourselves into a new dimension and this is a calling that is happening all around us. We need to wake up. Every ancient culture is telling us that, it cannot be ignored.

But it is easy to ignore something as simple as dance as a healing tool. It can appear to lack sophistication and understanding, it is unintellectual. But at the end of the day when all else has failed, if we are still lucky enough to be with our bodies, it is actually the only thing left for us to do! Get simple, get back to the basic of human nature, let go of the computer screen and the television! Dance by yourself, with your families and friends, dance in your relationships, meetings and schools, dance in your communitites and pray for the deepest healing from the divine feminine, from the divine masculine, connect to the elements and the energies around us. Bring nature into your life, it is not just something to look at fondly like a picture book. It is real and is who we are and who we need to be…… I look forward to meeting you there!

My book is published with ‘MyVoice Publishing’ and it certainly is ‘my voice’ in the world. into a more spiritual I really hope that you will enjoy my writing, be challenged by it and inspired by it. I hope it will make you think about your own relationships, your attatchements to the past and how to enlighten that free dancer in you to express more fully the beautiful being that you are.

 

Synopsis;

Despite growing up in idyllic English countryside, dwelling in enchanted gardens and riding ponies, Caroline's intriguing life was shadowed by a dark presence. At 16 and pregnant she was thrust into working class poverty, with a blind boyfriend, and betting offices. With determination and her wild imagination, she unleashes the free dancing spirit that has been her saving grace throughout childhood. Rearing her six children and coping with a succession of dramatic and challenging relationships, she delves into the world of shamanism, ritual and medicine, on her way to becoming a mystical teacher.She discovers the passion of moving her body and connecting with her heart, can transform every aspect of her authentic life. Her work is very original, provocative, challenging, sexy, raw and full of passionate fiery wisdom. Could these unique teachings, journeys and insights, show us that falling deeply in love with our own lives and accepting it as an adventure, be a way forward for us all?

When we address who we really are with more generosity, humor, understanding & compassion, with an ability to 'see' ourselves, then we accept true freedom into our lives. Caroline Carey